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Never out loud.
Just quiet daydreams of him, me, and Rosie, our lives happily intertwined, while I did my homework or brushed my hair before bed.
I had started imagining a future with Ben.
I thought he saw it too.
The way he lingered on our porch.
The way he laughed at things Rosie said that only I would find funny.
***
Then one Sunday, when I was twenty-two, Ben knocked on the door.
He held a small velvet box in his palm.
My heart lifted so fast I felt dizzy.
He held a small velvet box in his palm.
“Can I talk to Rosie?” he asked me.
I blinked. “Rosie?”
“Yeah. Is she in the garden?”
I stepped aside without answering.
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I watched from the kitchen window as he kneeled in front of my sister among the tomato vines.
I watched her hands fly to her mouth.
He kneeled in front of my sister
I watched her nod so hard her curls bounced.
I cried into my pillow that night so nobody would hear me.
Thoughts ran through my head that made me hate myself:
Ben couldn’t find her more attractive than me…
Ben had to have an ulterior motive for marrying her.
Looking back, it hurts to realize how close to the truth I was.
It hurts to realize how close to the truth I was.
***
The next morning, I smiled and helped Rosie put together a wedding inspiration board on Pinterest.
“You’ll be my maid of honor,” she told me. “Promise me.”
“I promise, Rosie.”
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Part of me kept thinking my parents would intervene.
But they just smiled and said Ben would take good care of Rosie.
“Promise me.”
Their wedding was small.
Ben wore a grey suit and cried when he saw her walk down the aisle.
My parents were still smiling.
“You chose well,” Dad said to Ben, clapping him on the shoulder.
That stung.
I watched Ben place the ring on Rosie’s finger.
And I wondered if I truly knew the man I called my best friend.
